Kondraki if I give you free beer for a year can we be friends?
Depends. Am I getting all the beer in one go so I only have to pretend for a few days, or is it a daily thing and I have to pretend for a year? If it’s the first one, sure, buddy. If it’s the second you got about ten seconds to get out of range. Because you did offer me alcohol, I’ll give you the tip that bullets can’t change direction.
05:Stop killing everyone you love, HAH! WE! ARE THE BOSS OF YOU SO NYEHHH!
You can’t see me, I’m sure, but if you are actually O5, you should tune into the security camera in my office right now. I can be seen staring into it like I’m in The Office. That look is for you, whoever you are.
Konny, stop killing everyone you love.
You ain’t the boss of me.
When he heard the voice screaming at him, he found he couldn’t remember anything about the situation at all. The last thing he remembered, he’d been crossing his office to the door, and somehow something had happened between then and now and he was on the floor and someone was yelling and grabbing at him and it was dark.
It was this realisation that forced Kondraki into moving, part of his mind telling him that it was already too late but there was that same part of him that was telling him no, not this time, not again. He could barely see anything thanks to how low the lighting was and his glasses seemed to be at a strange angle but it wasn’t those he grabbed for, it was the gun tucked into his waistband, and he had enough time to wonder why he was even bothering when there was no way this could work before he tried anyway, pressing the weapon against the weight pinning him down and firing twice in quick succession.
He heard a brief scream that was quickly cut off and then the weight collapsed against him, and somehow it had worked but he wasn’t out of danger yet; he quickly twisted his way out from underneath it, scrambling back using his legs until his back hit his desk. His glasses had fallen back into place and now his eyes were adjusting to the light, the faint orange glow of the backup lights in the hallway outside shining in under the door and illuminating a slumped form there.
Just a reminder that I have a Twitter if you want to be updated on all the paperwork I’m not doing, in real time.
"average person drinks 3 bottles of vodka a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person drinks 0 bottles of vodka per year. Dr. Kondraki, who lives at SCP Foundation & drinks over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
Wake.Up. (Feel free to kick Clef's ass.)
The first thing he noticed when he came back to himself was that whoever was pinning him down had a good grip on him. His arms were pinned by the wrists above his head, and whoever it was was sitting on him, out of the way of any kicks he could throw out. He’d been struggling and cursing for several seconds before he noticed who it actually was.
For a moment, he froze. He had never been a fan of other people seeing him when he was this far out of control, but the fact that it had to be this asshole, of all people, and all he was doing was staring down at him with that shit-eating grin on his face …
Kondraki did the only thing he could do. With his arms still pinned and his legs useless, he resorted to headbutting the man in the face with enough force that he briefly saw spots in his vision. He managed to pull one arm free during the brief second it awarded him, and he hit out, aiming for the man’t throat. He wasn’t sure if he met his mark exactly, but it bought him enough time to pull his other arm free and grab at him, first pulling him by the shirt collar and then twisting the fabric tightly against Clef’s throat.
"I fucking swear to god, you had something to do with this, didn’t you?" Kondraki didn’t quite know where he was getting the idea from, but there was something about how Clef was just continuing to grin at him through the blood running through his nose and his rapidly depleting air supply that was making Kondraki search for any excuse to keep beating the shit out of him.
"Maybe I can try and snap your fucking neck again, and then you can keep that giant fucking nose of yours out of this, huh?"
There were hands on him.
Kondraki didn’t have the chance to work out where he was, or even think about the fact that he was far from where he thought he’d been, pressed to the ground by someone definitely human. All he knew were that there were hands on him, and he let out a yell, hitting out without much care as to where he made contact. He must have succeeded in hitting the person somewhere, though, because the hands loosened their grip on him and he heard a yelp.
By the time he’d stumbled to his feet, he was more aware of the room around him, the bright artificial lights making him squint slightly as he looked down at her, trying to catch his breath. He couldn’t think why she’d been on him like that. He wasn’t comforted by the thought.
"The fuck do you think you’re doing?" he asked, the words coming out shaky, not quite capturing the anger he wanted. He realised he was trembling, and it did nothing for his mood. "Why the fuck -"
His voice caught in his throat and for a moment he was worried he’d collapse. He couldn’t stand the way she was staring up at him, wide-eyed, seeing it all. He managed to force his feet to move, and though he was unsteady he managed to reach her, dragging her up by the arm and slamming her back against the wall, grabbing at his gun with his other hand. He was trembling so much he was worried he’d drop it, and even when he’d wedged it under her chin he could feel it shaking against her.
"You don’t tell anyone about this, you hear me?" he growled. "Not a fucking word. You didn’t see shit, and if I hear the slightest fucking whisper that you did, you’re going to find yourself having a very nasty accident, you got that?”
He didn’t wait for her to say anything. With any luck, she wouldn’t remember it in the first place. He brought the gun up, cracking the butt down against the side of her head. He was walking away before she’d even hit the floor.